Father

I have come to realize that there is someone in my life that I owe so much to yet I don't give them enough thanks in my opinion. Heck, I owe EVERYTHING to said person. I have taken everything for granted and continue to do so even though I hate it (hopefully soon I won't). The person I speak of who I can't really even call a person is God.

It's kind of funny how when it comes down to the work he (or she) does in our life, we only seem to recognize it if it's good. Like getting a new job, winning the lottery, a movie coming out that you've been amped to see. But there are also the bad. Many atheists and agnostics use the argument of "if God exists, why do we go through so much pain and hurt". As I have learned from past experience those moments of which we feel at an all time low, it's God who is there to pick up back up. Thus in those moments of bad, he becomes even more real to us. I dare you to find a homeless person who isn't religious. We can also use these moments of pain to learn. I used to be a complete douchebag in high school who didn't treat certain people as they deserved. Now on the other hand I try to be the best person possible. God has used certain events in between to make this gradual change. A change I was willing to make. Though I admit through this time I didn't really believe in God (until a few years ago) but I was following his path which eventually led me to his mercy.

Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve his forgiveness. But this is the exact reason Jesus died on the cross so I (and everyone else) could be deserving of said forgiveness. It's still hard because even though I have been forgiven not only by the Lord of the universe but also by those I hurt in the past, I still find it difficult to forgive myself. Even to this day. The good thing is I use it as a bad example to grow from. But the bad thing is I hold on to it even though I should let it go. There are some burdens on my heart that I feel that I need to cast aside. But is that what God wants? I have learned so much through them so does he expect me to continue to do so? This isn't for me to answer. Though on Sunday Nate said that we should be sharing our burdens with our brothers and sisters in Christ. This hit me pretty hard because maybe thats what I need to do. Sure I have consoled in many others but maybe theres more specific people I need to console in. And maybe working together we can find a way to get rid of said burdens. God will show me the way not matter the case.