Father

I have come to realize that there is someone in my life that I owe so much to yet I don't give them enough thanks in my opinion. Heck, I owe EVERYTHING to said person. I have taken everything for granted and continue to do so even though I hate it (hopefully soon I won't). The person I speak of who I can't really even call a person is God.

It's kind of funny how when it comes down to the work he (or she) does in our life, we only seem to recognize it if it's good. Like getting a new job, winning the lottery, a movie coming out that you've been amped to see. But there are also the bad. Many atheists and agnostics use the argument of "if God exists, why do we go through so much pain and hurt". As I have learned from past experience those moments of which we feel at an all time low, it's God who is there to pick up back up. Thus in those moments of bad, he becomes even more real to us. I dare you to find a homeless person who isn't religious. We can also use these moments of pain to learn. I used to be a complete douchebag in high school who didn't treat certain people as they deserved. Now on the other hand I try to be the best person possible. God has used certain events in between to make this gradual change. A change I was willing to make. Though I admit through this time I didn't really believe in God (until a few years ago) but I was following his path which eventually led me to his mercy.

Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve his forgiveness. But this is the exact reason Jesus died on the cross so I (and everyone else) could be deserving of said forgiveness. It's still hard because even though I have been forgiven not only by the Lord of the universe but also by those I hurt in the past, I still find it difficult to forgive myself. Even to this day. The good thing is I use it as a bad example to grow from. But the bad thing is I hold on to it even though I should let it go. There are some burdens on my heart that I feel that I need to cast aside. But is that what God wants? I have learned so much through them so does he expect me to continue to do so? This isn't for me to answer. Though on Sunday Nate said that we should be sharing our burdens with our brothers and sisters in Christ. This hit me pretty hard because maybe thats what I need to do. Sure I have consoled in many others but maybe theres more specific people I need to console in. And maybe working together we can find a way to get rid of said burdens. God will show me the way not matter the case.

Raking in the dough

So today I feel a lot less like a loser. What could have occurred to make me feel like that. Did I start driving? No. Do I have a hot super model girlfriend? Negative (but one day). Did I learn that I actually have a skill? Incorrect. Did I somehow obtain a job? Correct. That is right I am not longer unemployed! Now I shall chronicle how such an occurrence occurred.

It started on Saturday. I had my phone off while I was at the BBQ as to not be disturbed. So when everyone had left but a few people, I turned on my phone. I had several text messages. But one of them stuck out at once. It was from my dad. "Target called." He even left voicemail.

A day or two before I had applied there online sort of passively thinking it would be like every other job. I was under the impression they wouldn't call me. But they did. I had an interview 3 days later. I called the next day to confirm I would attend such interview.

So today I put on a dress shirt with some khaki pants (I'll admit, I looked good) and about 8:20 a.m. left my house to journey to the Target on Westminster and the 22 freeway. After about an hour of walking in the hot sun, I arrived and went in the bathroom to rid myself of sweaty hands and to tuck in my shirt.

First I was interviewed by an Asian lady (named Rachel like good ol' Rachel Smyth). I was able to extract a few smiles from her but at the same time I was worried that maybe I wasn't doing so great. Afterward I went over to the computers to do some stupid questionaire. I came back in and was interviewed by a young man named Dennis (only remembered because of my brother having the same name). This interview I was much more confident and he seemed about 3 times more impressed than the Rachel lady did. I went to sit on a bench outside the offices and then the desk lady told me they were going to hire me. She gave me some paper work and told me I had to go drug test.

After having gone to the wrong Target, my mom picked me up and took me to the testing place. We had to wait an hour since they were out to lunch so we went to Arby's and (ironically) a Target in the area. I went in to be confronted by a grumpy old woman who reminds me of Raz from Monsters Inc. But a nicer younger lady took care of me instead. We wen't to the bathroom and she handed me a cup I had to pee in. I won't get too graphic but after a few instructions I did my business. She took the cup and walked off for a little bit. She came back telling me she sent the results and wouldn't tell me what they were. Though I'm positive I was clean seeing as I've never touched any such substances, it still bothered me that I didn't know. She probably was suspicious of me when I asked if I got to know what the result was haha. So it will be quite interesting (and extremely saddening) if Target calls me back to tell me I failed the drug test. I know I didn't but seeing as that's the one thing seperating me from having that job, of course I'm worried that someone the test wasn't accurate. Especially since I've never had such a test.

I should get a call within a few days concerning my orientation and then I am set. I'm going to miss all the free time even though it amounted to nothing. And I hope working in electronics won't tempt me into spending my paychecks. And I get to have whatever hair I want. Even so, I'm going to cut it soon, especially since I'm starting to look like Luke Skywalker.


PS. My thanks go out to our Father in heaven for he makes everything possible. And to those who helped me when I was unemployed.

Forming universes without walls

So unfortunately for you peasants (I say that lovingly), this blog is going to be about music. Music I listen to. Where we last left off in terms of music I was ranting on about how great Edguy was. Of course they are a band of very select taste. But this next band will appeal if you like screaming, guitar solos, melodicness, and technical stuff.

The band I am talking about is one called Wintersun. It all started with a man named Jari Maenpaa in Finland. He was the frontman for Ensiferum but in a sense he didn't get to write what he wanted. He had to write about vikings and magic and the other guitarist wrote most of the music. So after Ensiferum's album Iron came out, they were about to embark on a tour. But Jari had made the decision to record his own solo stuff and his studio time was during the tour. So Jari left Ensiferum in order to write music that he could call his own. This is how Wintersun was formed.

So far they only have one album out and it was released like 5 years ago. It in my opinion is a masterpiece. It really stands out when it comes to melodic death metal. Theres some folk elements thrown in there along with some symphonic ones. Jari wrote and recorded every instrument but the drums (including the synths). The lyrics are very deep and emotionally moving. The song Beautiful Death was written after he came down with tuberculosis (before Ensiferum) and was in his hospital bed not knowing what would happen. Much of his songs use metaphors that correspond to winter (a beautiful but deadly element), the cosmos, nature, and animals, ect. The cool thing his lyrics are usually about feeling helpless but perservering in the end. Personally my favorite song is Sleeping Stars because its so beautiful and powerful.

Their next album Time has been in the making for 3-4 years now due to problems with technology. Each song will comprise of 200-400 tracks (now you see why he's having tech problems?) and is going to be a concept album. He really want's to make it perfect so he's been slaving over it for years just to make his dream album. I am really excited for it since I know (even though he said it would be a different kind of album) that he will deliver another masterpiece that might even earn the title of being my favorite album of all time. We shall see.

You can listen to them in my music box below. Here's some lyrics for ya:

Divine creations now destroyed
to uncover the haunted atmosphere
Strange visions of the ancient spirits,
travesty of man appears
Coldness and the storming winds
lurking for prey
The forces of the Winter reign
in dreadful way, there's no escape
(Winter Madness)

I'm floating in the sea of stars,
I'm drifting away from the shore
I will be lost in the dream when the dark days come
But I will make the time run backwards and
I'll make the stars shine again
I will light up the sky to a bright crimson nights
... And they'll shine together forever
With brilliant silver colours they'll shine forever
(Starchild)

I have found love

Love is quite an interesting thing. You love many things in life such and friends, God, family ect. But to be in love is the greatest feeling in the entire world (second to God). I questioned whether I would be in love again anytime in the near future. But it appears fate has decreed that I am. You heard that right, I am in love!

You may be asking me, who is it oh great and handsome Andrew? Well to answer your question it is not a who, but a what. I have fallen back in love with Film! The past 2 years my camcorder had been sitting in my room catching dust. Recently I have taken it out to film a studio update (still in the making) for Led To Victory and also some video for my moms glass class. It brings back such great memories of a love that once was.

Corseph, Kev-O, and I have decided to combine forces and bring forth a youtube show so funny it will make one pee themselves. Each episode with be made up of two main segments of randomness with little micro segments sandwiched between. It's a good way to get my face out to the public.

The reason I would want my dashingly good looking face out in the public because I wan't to be a film maker. Lately I kind of settled on the fact that I should go for a more realistic plan which is Archaeology. So my film dreams were kind of left in the shadows. But lately I have come to the realization that even though they are just dreams they are still worth pursuing. Of course I am still going to go to school (not this semester cause I'm poor) and have a fall back plan so I'm trying to find alternative ways to break in the film business that aren't paying big bucks to go to school for it. I may even do work as an extra on movies for I hear that is one of the best ways to break into it.

I wan't to buy a Canon XL-2 because without a prosumer camera I am going to get nowhere. I love my camera to death but more so because it's my only link to the world of film. The video is okay but not great and the audio plain sucks so I wan't something that can bring my dreams to reality. First I need a job to save up for it. But at least it's making me more dedicated to find a job. And if I start driving soon maybe I'll work at a movie studio as a director's assisant (aka coffee getter). Sucky job as it may be it's still a good way to get somewhere if they like me.



One day....

Ghastly ghouls

I'm aware I already posted a blog tonight but something has driven me to write another: my curiosity.

Naturally I am a very curious person. This is a good and bad thing. It's good because it leads me to become very interested in things and learn them. But its not skills I learn just information. This helps with the whole Archaeology thing I'm pursuing because my curiosity drives me in the field. Now the downside of this is that sometimes I come off as nosy when in reality if someone doesn't want to talk about something I wont press the matter any further unless its one of those things where they taunt me or kind of leave me hanging. But also the fact that I become interested in certain things is also a bad thing.

All of my life I have been really interested in ghosts. You or may or may not believe in them and if you don't (not to sound mean) I could really care less. I will be the first to say I do believe in them. Not from any kind of personal experience but I'm one of those people who believe that theres a lot in this world that we do not understand and there will always be that fact. Centuries from now all of what we learned now will most likely no longer be relevant. For example, certain understandings from even so much as 100 years ago have become outdated and useless. Medicines, how things work ect. I'm getting off topic here.

Back when I was a wee lad (probably less than a year old) when we lived in Georgia, my mother went to feed me and she encountered a spirit in our living room. My mom isn't the type of person that would make something like this up. I've also encountered "strange happenings" at my house where I was on top of our bunk bed and something fell off. Seconds later it shot back up onto the bed. Also I have encountered strange things at a friends house.

The thing is the thought of encountering a spirit frightens the crap out of me. And lately I have been watching a lot of Ghost Adventures and Ghost Hunters on TV. I really like those shows but whenever I watch them I have trouble sleeping and sometimes have bad dreams. Tonight I was looking at a site with a bunch of ghost pictures and made me feel uneasy. Whether my house is haunted or not, I have no idea. In fact I don't want to know. If there is some kind of spirit in my house they have done nothing to hurt me.

A couple of weeks ago Pastor John mentioned cutting out bad things for us. Whether it be commercials, tv shows, or even small things. Things that we know aren't good for us but may be fine for other people. I think this might be one of those things. But the thing is I am cursed with a unquenchable curiosity. Plus I enjoy watching those shows. But I guess its in times like these we have to cast out certain things that may hinder our relationship with God.

My past few days (and then some)

I'm bored so you are about to receive an update on me. Don't like it? Well why on earth are you on here to begin with? So obviously you are interested.

ANYWAYS today I went to resubmit and application at Medieval Times. My friend couldn't find my other one. So I went to leave it in the office since he told me not to leave it at the window. I go in there and wait for a receptionist. She never came. But some lady in an MT polo with a walkie talkie came in and asked me what I wanted. I told her and she told me to take it to the window. I tried explaining to her that my friend instructed me to leave it with the receptionist but she was lame and just kept suggesting to put it in the application box or at the window because "the receptionist may not get it if you leave it on her desk". Well I left it on the desk anyways because where the hell else would it run off to. But yeah that lady was not very nice and she just made me nervous leaving it where I was instructed to.

I went to Disneyland yesterday with my friend Brittany and her friend Mike who actually was a really cool guy. Reminds me of Harold from Harold and Kumar. Except only half asian. But he too was interested in film and we talked about it for a while. He really wants to collaborate on his script (as in have me act and POSSIBLY be the cinematographer). He also offered to help on the current script I'm getting started on. Problem is hes moving in a month. But this and the youtube show I'm making with my friends is really inspiring to step up my game. I haven't made a real video in FOREVER. Literally like over a year or two. If I want to ever achieve my true dream of being a director its not like this. But I really have faith in the script I'm going to start (if you are curious read my last post). And it was encouraging when he told me that he really liked the premise of it. And I know I can use it to throw in some good moral lessons and messages.

I realized I'm writing the events of my life backwards so I will continue that by mentioning the previous night. I was hanging out with Cory and Alex and we decided to go to the Gallegly home and hang out. We went out for food and never went back. This is because while we were in the drive thru (Cory, Micah and I in one car, Alex, Desiree, Celia, and Blue in the other) Cory got all devious and after we got our food we drove off and hid. Cory called the others and told them they had to come find us and we gave them hints. It was easy as hell but they took a looooong time to find us (we even told when EXACTLY where we were. They didn't find us for another like half hour). It ended up turning into a fun game of car hide and seek. We so won :). The other car of people will say differently.

But not all is fun and games. Lately (especially) I've been struggling more and more with certain things. It's not an easy thing nor has it been. I'm just hoping I will finally break away from all of it. I already thought it was over with but apparently its not. God will get me through it just fine.

(Lack of) talent

So I've come to face the cold reality: I suck at everything. I have yet to find out what my greatest of talents is. Sure I have hobbies but those hobbies I'm not particularly good at. But there has to be one thing out there that God endowed me with that I am naturally good at. I certainly hope its something cool that blows people away such as juggling sharp flaming objects. Though I will never attempt that to begin with I will never know.

For some reason all the talent was given away to my other brothers and sisters. Especially my brother Michael. He's athletic, does all this outdoor crap, snowboards, he's freakin' smart, he's a naturally gifted musician ect. I could go on but the more I do it makes me feel like a shmuck.

I get people that tell me that I'm good with words when it comes to lifting people up and sometimes I can see it. Some of the words that come out of my mouth almost freak me out because I have no idea where they came from. It's probably God speaking through me. I mean sure this is a good skill to have because it helps people. Hell, maybe it's way better than playing music or being good at foosball (or Street Fighter Rachel!). But for some reason I feel like a failure if I'm not able to physically impress people. It's pretty sad actually. Whatever my greatest trait is, I hope I use it for good and go far with it.This is Jari Maenpaa. Chances are hes more talented than you at guitar.

This has inspired me to write a script about someone who lacks talents and is trying to find what hes good at. Because that sounds like it would make a decent comedy.