Sometimes I try so hard to be a master of my own destiny. So when situations come about that I feel powerless, it hits me pretty hard. It doesn't help that I'm super impatient when it comes to the learning process so when something seems set in the future, I just torture myself by wanting it so bad.
One thing I struggle with controlling are my feelings. Lately it seems I have been doing well when it comes to that but then tonight...it just seems like I have no control. Theres a person I have obtained feelings for...but problem is the only way we communicate is facebook. I feel kinda like a creep talking to her sometimes. I really don't know why seeing as I don't tend to say weird things most of the time. It's gotten to a point where I'm a little too intimidated to ask her to hang out or even for her phone number. But who knows maybe its because I've been locked in the house all day and all this will be gone in the morning.
As for my future, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get knighted at work someday. Judging from the fact everyone there loves me, it seems almost set in stone. But thats also where the problem could lie. If I'm such a talented squire, would they want to promote me? Some of the other squires seem to think I'm going to get the shit end of the stick. But I have to take into account the reason they aren't knights is because of their bad attitudes. Then theres so much training involved. I'm currently training to take the apprentice knight test which will enable me to learn the fights, games and horse riding. Problem is my body isn't quite there yet. The knight training me seems confident I will be apprentice knight come time the new show gets put in at the end of the year. But I haven't even passed my stick test yet (even though I ironically am doing fighting in the show regardless) and my trainer doesn't seem to think I'm even ready for that. I want it so bad but it doesn't seem to be happening fast enough. That's a stupid attitude for me to have but I will not let it effect my work and determination. It just depresses me a little.
This post was a little bit of a drag but I need to get it all off my chest somehow. God will quell my heart soon enough.
