Change

It's amazing how much can change in the blink of an eye. Sometimes it's almost impossible to wrap my head around it. I've been pretty private about it the past few days but I guess I could supply some insight.

I was "dating" a girl for a few weeks when the other night she decided she wanted to be with someone else more. It's weird for me to come out and say something like this seeing as I don't like to get too private on here but I had to write about it because it's been on my mind. Kind of sucks when someone chooses another over you. Almost as if you aren't good enough. But at the same time I realize we were two totally different people (with similar tastes but clashing personalities) so even as much as we could have wanted it to work, it wouldn't have. But it gives me hope. Hope that I will find someone more compatible and better for me. Someone who I don't have to sit there and question whether they still want to be with me or not. But now I don't think I'm ready to start anything.

My life is so far from being set right. Maybe I'll feel better about it when I start driving that way the world seems more accessible and I don't have to rely on the kindness of others. Once I drive I will be able to get a better job or maybe even attend a few more auditions. But fear holds me back. And laziness. I suppose the best thing I can do right now is pray that I find the courage to grow up. Change is a scary thing.

Well sorry for all that sappy stuff. To answer your question I'm fine and over that girl situation. I found myself flirting the next day haha. Which is weird because I usually only do that to Dalynn to make her uncomfortable. Seems like I'm growing some huevos.

The land is silent...before the stoooorm!!

Last night I went to see Ensiferum (one of my many favorite bands). Also playing was a band called Blackguard who I'm quite fond of as well. We met the guitarist mistaking him for the merch guy (how often to band members of signed bands do that?) and talked to him for a good while about the music business. It was funny because he had an accent and hes from Canada. Damn French Canadians...anyways we saw Petri of Ensiferum walking around the venue in a cowboy hat barely being noticed by people (though he was stopped for a conversation now and again). I wanted to take a picture with him (which I was going to bring my moms camera for but ultimately didn't because I am a fool). I tried telling Cory to take a picture with my phone but he wouldn't so we ended up not approaching him. After we talked to the guy from Blackguard we decided we should talk to Petri but he never appeared again (well until Ensiferum played).

I bought an awesome sweatshirt because mine is getting somewhat old. Cory wanted a shirt but had no money so we walked away from the merch table over to around the bar area. Then it struck me that I should buy Cory a shirt. So I started walking back over there and Cory was puzzled so I told him I'm buying him a shirt. He protested but I didn't give him a choice. I love when we get those sudden urges to do something kind for someone. I wish I was like that more often, especially after reading several passages at givesmehope.com. Which is an amazing site btw and I suggest you go on it.

Anyways Blackguard was fantastic and had a giant gong on stage which the singer would hit throughout the songs. They had great energy which I didn't get to fully appreciate because we sat down. The pit at The Galaxy is very small and there was some jerky guy whos father we met upon entering the venue. He was an oddity and would do funny hand motions when the band played. ANYWAYS so we watched the bands sitting down and were extremely tired so I wish it could have been different. But then Ensiferum came on. We were still sitting and still tired but I thoroughly enjoyed them. And this is weird for me to say (and it was probably cause I was worried for a certain person who I was texting at the time) but it got to a point where I wished there set would end. But at the same time I'm glad it didn't because they had an awesome setlist that Cory could not appreciate as much as me because he's anti old Ensiferum (I love old Ensiferum). Anyways it was a great time end of story. I just wish a certain hangout would have happened the previous day but I got to spend some time with my friend Britney instead so it was still a good day.

In his hands

I know I've said this many times before, but its funny where life will take you. No scratch that. Where God will take you. You always think you have everything planned and its going to be super smooth but oft times it gets crumpled into a ball and thrown out the window and God's plan goes into action. I really like it. It might sound weird for me to say that I'm glad my plans don't go as planned but the reason I like it is because what I want to happen is nothing compared to what God wants to happen. It doesn't matter what I want to unfold. Plus I really like the surprises even if they end up being nasty. They make for life lessons and great stories.

The past few weeks I've been on my toes a lot. I mean its one of the most confusing things ever but I trust God will take care of me. It also reveals to me what I want out of situations. So in a sense God's plan is in full force but at the same time I'm learning. Thus I can choose to work through the situations or just walk away. Then God can chuckle to himself and say "I knew it".

I try not to dwell in the future. At least not in the distant future. I live day by day. In high school I would always dwell in the future and I would always be worrying. But of course at that time I had not accepted Jesus as my savior. But having him in my life makes everything so much easier and takes so much burden off my shoulders. I love it.